Sexual Shame & Purity Culture - Panel Discussion Review

At the recent NaNoCon atheist conference, I attended a panel discussion on Recovering from Sexual Shame and Purity Culture led by Gayle Jordan, Alice Greczyn, and Seth Andrews. During Q&A after hearing only negative remarks about religion, I took to the microphone and started with “By your account religion’s approach to sexuality is only for power and control…” Seth Andrews interrupted “We didn’t say only power and control…” I went on, “Well that’s the only thing you mentioned. But religion’s interest in sexual morality is also based, historically, on the need to control disease and to promote intact families where the father sticks around to help raise the children.” The panel struggled to respond and I lost focus too. I wish I had then asked, “how do the recommendations you made today address those factors?” Their recommendations were to leave your controlling religion and purity culture behind so you can more freely enjoy your sexuality. They gave various personal examples like posing topless, open marriages, and mothers giving their daughters vibrators as birthday gifts. Their portrayal of religion was single-faceted - only for power and control - whereas the reality is multivariate to include many cultural aspects. Had they addressed points like I raised, their recommendations could have included more of the responsibilities that come with sexual freedom. Instead, with their new freedoms, it seems the panelists' pendulums swing too far into "Let's Get Naked!" rather than a more sustainable middle path. 

All three panelists were delightful: funny, attractive, and articulate. I know Gayle Jordan quite well as I volunteered for 5 years at Recovering from Religion where she is Executive Director. I’ve told her and it's true: she is among the best leaders I have ever “worked” for.  My comments at the Q&A harken back to a conversation I had during the height of the pandemic with Recovering from Religion founder Dr. Darrel Ray. Darrel is an open polyamorist so I asked him about polyamory during a pandemic when we are all masked and isolating at home.  As I recall the conversation did not go well -- I failed to make my point. My point is that religion evolves as part of a greater culture to meet certain needs. Societies are more successful that practice means to control disease, including STDs, and that encourage intact families where both parents invest in their children’s upbringing. Religion evolved to codify and enforce successful behaviors like these. Where religion goes wrong, of course, is when it carries these ideas too far. The reasoning behind the morals are lost, the morality becomes the goal in itself, and scrupulosity sets in. Also religion has a tendency to fall behind the times, especially when technology changes the game. Here I am thinking of things like birth control, abortion, porn, and disease prevention and treatment. 

As religion begins to fail many of us, we are left only with our good judgement on these matters. Our judgement is informed by reason, science, experience, and advice. Some include their religion in this mix. Others don’t. And that’s OK provided the resulting behaviors lead to human flourishing.

In Defense of Western Liberal Enlightenment Values

I hold Western Liberal Enlightenment Values in high regard. Now don’t get up in arms about my use of the term “liberal” here — I’m thinking of it in the classical liberal sense from the Age of Enlightenment in the 1700s when liberals proposed democracy and capitalism while conservatives upheld monarchies and the church. I strengthened my regard for these values at Vanderbilt’s MLAS program - that’s Masters of Liberal Arts & Science. These values cannot be taken for granted and are always under threat from all sides. Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty. 

I devised the following list with enlightenment values down the center and arranged the threats on the left and right. I have not perfected the vertical ordering so please bear with me. I realize few people on the left or right will see themselves this way as the list is full of pejoratives. But I don't know how else to say it. I welcome your thoughts and suggestions

Left Flank Threats	Enlightenment Values	Right Flank Threats
Group Identity Deconstruction Lived Experience Ways of Knowing Decolonization Postmodernism Relativism Subjectivism Quotas Scrupulosity Whiteness as Original Sin Cancel Culture Offense-taking Science Denial Critical Theory Marxism Communism Socialism Anti-white Racism Anti-male Sexism Anti-rich Classism Border Insecurity Defunding Police Spirituality	Reason Evidence Science Peer Review Marketplace of Ideas Objective Truth Freedom of Speech Freedom of Belief Freedom of Movement Viewpoint Diversity Individuality Universal Human Rights Property Rights Separation of Powers Church-State Separation Consent of the Governed Democracy Capitalism International Trade Modernity Meritocracy Presumption of Innocence Pluralism Secularism	Misinformation Fake News Conspiracy Theories Voter Suppression Gerrymandering Disenfranchisement Populism Xenophobia Cronyism Nepotism Trolling Censorship Offence-giving Science Denial Military Industrial Complex Monarchy Greed Fascism Racism Sexism Classism Nationalism Patriotism Fundamentalist Religion

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi died this week at the age of 87. He was an intellectual hero of mine. I've read five of his books - Flow, Finding Flow, The Evolving Self, Good Business, and Creativity. I have a hobby of contacting authors and semi-famous people. Here is my email exchange with Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi.

On Monday, March 28, 2005, at 08:43 PM, Brian Fleming wrote:

Dear Dr. Csikszentmihalyi,

I hope you have a moment to consider a few points about creativity and respond to a question about complexity.

Popular music is a domain not covered in the sample set for your book, Creativity. As an amateur guitarist who lives near Nashville, I have a view of the country music industry that I thought of repeatedly while reading Creativity. The country music industry (its telling that its called an industry) has developed into a community with a high degree of specialization within its members. Behind the famous and attractive singing stars are an army of studio musicians, audio engineers, music business people, songwriters, and a city full of other folks who haven’t quite made it. Nashville lore (and its still true today) depicts those who come to town with nothing more than a song and a dream. The trick is to sell your song or your sound to the country music industry field. All the traits described in your Creativity book are required to make it big in Nashville. Unfortunately, due to the industrialization in the country music business, the songs that get radio airplay sound mass-produced and the lyrics are filled with cliche. Integrated but not very differentiated, I suppose!

Which leads to my question about complexity. You promote the merits of complexity, yet when it comes to popular music it seems the simple songs are the best. A few examples: Silent Night, Your Cheatin Heart, Over the Rainbow, Edelweiss, and Amazing Grace. Likewise, the most elegant solution to a complicated problem is often the simplest one. Consider the law of parsimony — Occam’s razor.

So my question becomes: If complexity is so desirable, why is simplicity so beautiful?

I look forward to your response!

Brian Fleming

Franklin, TN

**************************************

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi <miska@cgu.edu>

Tue 3/29/2005 1:08 PM

To: Brian Fleming

It does sound like country music is a nice example of the systems view of creativity!

My answer to the complexity issue may not be convincing, but I would argue that the simple songs you mention are actually quite complex -- i.e. differentiated and (especially) integrated. The problem is that complex and complicated appear to refer to the same organization, whereas they are often 180 degrees apart. A complex wine has hints of many flavors, but they are blended so well that the taste is so obvious and natural that it seems simple. 

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Director | Quality of Life Research Center

C. S. and D. J. Davidson Professor

Peter F. Drucker School of Management

Claremont Graduate University

1021 N. Dartmouth Avenue

Claremont, CA 91711

We Must Cultivate Our Garden

Pangloss sometimes would say to Candide: “All events are linked together in this the best of all possible worlds; for, after all, had you not been kicked out of a fine castle for the love of Miss Cunegonde; had you not been put into the Inquisition; had you not traveled across America on foot; had you not stabbed the Baron through the body with your sword; and had you not lost all your sheep which you brought from the good country of El Dorado; -- you would not be here eating preserved citrons and pistachio nuts.” 

“Excellently observed,” answered Candide; “we must cultivate our garden.” 

                                                               -- Candide by Voltaire 1793

Simplicity

Simplicity by Bob Seger 

Simplicity it works for me

It keeps me running hard and sharp and true

I focus on the basic stuff

And pretty soon I'm coming up on you

So much clutter clouds our way

Fundamentals win the day

I break you down size you up

I see a path and then I bust a move

Before you know what hit you babe

I finish and I'm on to something new

Complex theories have their place

I like throw downs in your face

It's clear when its really really near

And it's everything you need

Rise and be worthy of the prize

Get exactly what your need

Simplicity in everything

In every single thing you say and do

Don't get lost in foggy stuff

Stay on track and let it come to you

Keep your focus on your goal

Use that iron hard control

Use your power and your speed

Get exactly what you need

Bobby Charles

It all started when my son Matt went to a Tyler Childers concert in Brooklyn and heard him sing the song Tennessee Blues. Matt has a knack for knowing what music I might like so he sent me a link to the video. I replied, “If you like that song then I’ve done something right.” On investigation I learned the song was written by someone named Bobby Charles in 1972 and also covered by Kris Kristofferson, Tompall Glaser, Marshall Chapman, and several others. I learned to sing and play it. It’s a lovely country tune.

On another occasion, I went to see the California Honeydrops. They invited Lindsay Lou on stage and she sang a song called All The Money -- a funky Cajun groove. I was totally into it and learned to play that one too. Come to find out, it was written by someone named  -- Bobby Charles.  Who is this Bobby Charles guy?

Matt sent me another song, Waymore’s Blues by Waylon Jennings. I replied simply with a “?”. What I didn’t know was Matt was fixing to name his first son “Waylon.” Now that’s not a name to be taken lightly. It makes a statement.  Anyway, Shannon McNally, a singer guitarist I’ve recently discovered, just released an entire album of nothing but Waylon covers. As I was researching her career I see she did another album of covers all written by – Bobby Charles! She covered his I Spent All My Money (Loving You) and -- you guessed it -- Tennessee Blues.

So I looked up Bobby Charles. Robert Charles Guidry is from Abbeville in rural Louisiana. As a young man he wrote See Ya Later Alligator. Fats Domino declined it but Bill Haley & the Comets made it a huge hit. Now "after while crocodile" is an automatic response. Fats Domino invited Bobby to a show in New Orleans. But Bobby had no way to get there, which prompted him to write Walkin’ To New Orleans. Fats Domino recorded that one – another big hit. While Bobby was not much for traveling and preforming, he did find his way to Wookstock, NY where he jammed with Dr. John, members of The Band, and others. After settling down back in Louisiana, his house burned down and then the next one got blown away in a hurricane. Bobby Charles died of cancer in 2010 at that age of 70.

Full disclosure, part of my interest in Bobby Charles is his name. My father was Robert (Bob) Edward Fleming. My father-in-law is Bobby Clayton McKinney. And I am Brian Charles Fleming. See Ya Later Alligator!

Pissing Contests

In Matthew McConaughey’s book Greenlights, he tells the story of a pissing contest involving his dad and brother. Not a figurative pissing contest, mind you -- a literal one. 

“You see that mark on the wall Mr. Fred just left?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Think you can piss over it?”

“Hell yeah,” Pat replied, then dropped his tighty-whities below his knees, put both hands on his pecker, aimed it at the mark, and let if fly. Pat cleared Fred Smither’s six-seven mark by two feet.

“That’s my boy!! I told y’all my boy could piss over Fred’s head!”

Now that I am a man of a certain age, I wont be challenging anyone to a pissing contest. My stream aint what it used to be. It’s sad when a young man beside me at the urinal starts blasting away with his fire hose, finishes, and then the next guy starts and finishes while I’m still dribbling.

Yeah I’m seeing a urologist about it. And I’ve seen the future and it aint pretty. When my dad got old he couldn’t completely empty his bladder. So he had a procedure done to fix it. Now my father-in-law is having plumbing problems. He gets backed up for days, goes to the ER, gets a catheter, and then walks around with a bag of piss strapped to his leg. Gettin’ old aint for cowards!

I complained when my wife bought a new garden hose without my input. But I gotta say it’s a good one. Now most evenings you will find me slinging my hose around watering the flowers, shrubs, and trees – even seeing how high up the side of my house I can spray. Who me overcompensate? Nah, just keep livin’!