Truth

“We have taller buildings but shorter tempers;
wider freeways but narrower viewpoints;
we spend more but have less;
we buy more but enjoy it less;
we have bigger houses and smaller families;
more conveniences yet less time;
we have more degrees but less sense;
more knowledge but less judgement;
more experts yet more problems.” And so on.

“Isn’t it amazing that comedian George Carlin could write something so very eloquent… and so very appropriate? His wife had recently died. What a difference a sad event makes in someone’s life.”

The full essay and those comments were posted on websites, shared with chain emails (remember those?), and later made the rounds on social media. I first saw it when a friend posted it on Facebook. Now, I know George Carlin’s humor and it just didn’t sound like something he would say. So I checked into it and sure enough – it’s a hoax. Carlin did not write it. It was written in 1995 by a pastor named Dr. Bob Moorehead. I told my friend it wasn’t Carlin and suggested she take it down, which she did. But a year later, she posted it again – I guess she really liked that essay! I had to remind her that we had been around this block before. Then last year I found the Pro-Truth Pledge. I looked into it, took the pledge, and sent it to my friend. She took the pledge too. Now she makes sure what she posts is true and it has become a discussion topic between us. I will get back to the Pro-Truth Pledge in a minute, but first let’s get our arms around the problem.

A recent study of Twitter data from 2006 to 2017 found that “Falsehood diffused significantly farther and faster than the truth … especially false political news … false news was more novel than true news, so people were more likely to share novel information…. robots spread true and false news at the same rate, so the problem is with humans, not robots. [paraphrased]”

You see, we are all are a bunch of liars. White lies, half-truths, and tall tales are everywhere. When someone asks how we are doing, we say “fine” even when you’re not.  What do you say when your wife asks if her dress makes her look fat? Tell the truth? No way! Has anyone seen Jim Carey’s movie Liar Liar? It shows how everything falls apart when his son makes a wish that his dad, who is a lawyer, cannot lie. Entire episodes of sitcoms are often based on someone covering up a lie.

What is a lie, exactly? To lie is to say something other than what you think is true. It is to know what is true, or at least think you know, and then to intentionally say something different to achieve some goal. We naturally try to avoid telling lies, but sometimes we will lie if we think the benefit of achieving the goal outweighs the cost of the lie.

And then we have bullshit. That’s right, I said it. There really is no better word to describe it. As philosopher Harry Frankfurt explains in his 2005 book titled On Bullshit, "One of the most salient features of our culture is that there is so much bullshit. Everyone knows this. Each of us contributes his share." But what is bullshit exactly? To bullshit is to say something without regard for whether it is true or not to achieve a goal that is unrelated to the truth of what you are saying. Bullshit often emerges when we are expected to say more about a subject than we actually know.

What can we, you and me, do about the spread of lies, bullshit, and false news? One step is to take the Pro-Truth Pledge:

Share Truth

• Verify: fact-check information to confirm it is true before accepting and sharing it
• Balance: share the whole truth, even if some aspects do no support my opinion
• Cite: share my sources so that others can verify my information
• Clarify: distinguish between my opinion and the facts

Honor Truth

• Acknowledge when others share true information even when we disagree otherwise
• Reevaluate if my information is challenged, retract it if I cannot verify it
• Defend others when they come under attack for sharing true information, even when we disagree otherwise
• Align my opinions and my actions with true information

Encourage Truth

• Fix: ask people to retract information that reliable sources have disproved even when they are my allies
• Educate: compassionately inform those around me to stop using unreliable sources, even if these sources support my opinion
• Defer: recognize the opinions of experts as more likely to be accurate when the facts are disputed
• Celebrate those who retract incorrect statements and update their beliefs toward the truth

To verify claims and information we can check websites like factchecker.com, truthorfiction.com, hoax-slayer.net, and snopes.com. Or Google it or look it up in Wikipedia.

We can join organizations like The Skeptics Society which promotes scientific skepticism and fights the spread of pseudoscience, superstition, and irrational beliefs. They published a Baloney Detection Kit:

1. How reliable is the source of the claim?
2. Does the source make similar claims?
3. Have the claims been verified by somebody else?
4. Does this fit with the way the world works?
5. Has anyone tried to disprove the claim?
6. Where does the preponderance of evidence point?
7. Is the claimant playing by the rules of science?
8. Does verifiable evidence exist?
9. Does the new explanation account for as many phenomena as the old explanation did?
10. Are personal beliefs driving the claim?

You can apply the Pro-Truth Pledge and the Baloney Detection Kit at work. A useful phrase is “what evidence justifies your claim?” When in doubt, check it out!

So go online and take the Pro-Truth Pledge. Post it in your office. Use the Baloney Detection Kit. Make sure what you say is true and what you share online is true. Ask for evidence to justify claims. And most of all – set yourself apart – and be a truth-teller.

*********************

Pro-Truth Pledge       https://www.protruthpledge.org/        

The Spread of True and False News Online http://science.sciencemag.org/content/359/6380/1146

FactCheck                   https://www.factcheck.org/ 

TruthOrFiction            http://www.truthorfiction.com/

Hoax-Slayer                 https://www.hoax-slayer.net/ 

Snopes                         https://www.snopes.com/  

The Skeptics Society  https://www.skeptic.com/ 

Baloney Detection Kit - by Michael Shermer, term coined by Carl Sagan
https://www.brainpickings.org/2012/03/16/baloney-detection-kit/

Shaky Hands

I didn’t know I had shaky hands until junior high speech class when I gave a speech with a piece of paper in my hand. I was horrified as my hands shook so much I couldn’t read it. For the next assignment I lip-synched Paul Simon’s Love Me Like a Rock.  It went so well that my teacher asked me to perform at the Christmas pageant. The pageant was called Country Christmas based on the TV show Hee Haw. One thing led to another and I found myself donning an all-white outfit, pasting on black sideburns, and doing an Elvis impersonation to the song Santa Bring My Baby Back to Me. The speech teacher told the girls that were gathered around me on stage to start screaming. Before you know it, the girls and moms in the audience started screaming too and the whole gymnasium was a rockin’! Well it all went straight to my head. The quarterback’s girlfriend broke up with him to go steady with me. That lasted 2 weeks and fell apart over Christmas break.

Another time, very early in my career when I worked at GM SATURN, I had the opportunity to give a presentation to the President of SATURN, whose name was Skip LeFauve. I knew enough not to drink a caffeinated drink that morning but right before the presentation I drank a Sprite instead. The sugar rush kicked in and once again my hands were shaking like crazy as I spoke. Very embarrassing. What saved me was a clever idea. The topic of the presentation was a plan to get suppliers to cover warranty costs for any defective parts they shipped to SATURN. We called it Supplier Kwality (with a “K”) Incentive Program – or SKIP for short! We named it after the President Skip LeFauve and he had no choice but to give it a thumbs up!

Joining Toastmasters gives me opportunities to overcome shaky hands. My hands shake all the time but they definitely shake more when I do public speaking. I’ve learned caffeine, sugar, and alcohol give me the shakes – and sadly those are 3 of my favorite things. An empty stomach makes it worse. But I’ve found that eating protein settles me back down, so I make sure I eat protein before these lunchtime meetings.  I never hold a piece of paper when I speak – instead I hold the paper against a book or folder. Taking a drink of water during a speech is not a good idea. I might stay behind the podium too. I know that is frowned upon at Toastmasters but we should embrace neurodiversity. Nervous people are people too!  Yes my hands shake, that’s the way my excitement comes out. But I think my thinking is clear and my voice is OK. I sometimes wonder how other people’s judgement of my shaky hands has impacted me in job interviews, presentations, and in social settings.

I love to play guitar -- which doesn't pair well with shaky hands. They are not a problem when practicing alone at my house. But when I play in front of an audience I have to overcome it. I play in a hobby rock-n-roll band called the Hang Dog Daddies. We are a bunch of old guys who still like to rock. My hands shake for the first few songs so I try to stick with strumming chords rather than picking solos. In fact, my shaky hands realistically prevent me from ever becoming a lead guitarist, so I mostly stick to rhythm guitar. Our band has had the honor of playing at 4 Nashville Predators hockey games over the years. You may have seen the bands that play at intermissions. Well that’s in front of 15,000 people. Now most of them are getting their hotdogs and beer and are not really paying attention to the band. But still maybe a 1,000 people are actually watching and listening, so it takes courage! Especially that time the band talked me into singing Folsum Prison Blues by Johnny Cash right there at Bridgestone Arena, next to the Country Music Hall of Fame, across from Ryman Auditorium and Tootsie’s Orchid Lounge on Lower Broad. So I held onto the guitar neck with a strong grip, clamped my arm down on the body of the guitar, held on tight, and gave it my best. Despite my fears it went without a hitch.

So that’s what I do to overcome shaky hands. Everyone has different characteristics.  Some are advantages, some are disadvantages, and some are just differences. In the greater scheme of things, my shaky hands are a minor inconvenience compared to hardships other people face. The key is to do whatever it takes to overcome those hardships, to capitalize on your strengths, and to meet whatever challenges you face. So get up and sing your song or make that speech or volunteer for table topics. Whatever it is, just do it!

Table Topics: Current Events

On the agenda at most Toastmasters meetings is Table Topics, where you are given a topic to speak about off-the-cuff. I was Table Topics Master at this week’s meeting, so I wrote up the following questions about Current Events. Picture yourself walking to the podium, drawing a question out of a hat, and speaking for 2 minutes about one of these topics:

Monday was Columbus Day – was Columbus a hero of discovery or a villain of conquest?

Are this year’s hurricanes and wildfires magnified by man-made global warming and if so what should we do about it?

After the shooting in Las Vegas, what should we do about gun control?

Monday was John Lennon’s birthday. Who was your favorite Beatle and why? Hint: John, Paul, George, or Ringo

What role did social media play in the 2016 presidential election?

On Sunday VP Mike Pence left an NFL football game when some players took a knee for the national anthem. Why does it matter what football players do during the national anthem?

On Wednesday Trump tweeted about “fake news.” What role does a free press play in a democracy?

Rock star Tom Petty died on Monday. If music is the soundtrack of our lives, what memories do his songs bring back? Hint, his greatest hits include Refugee, Running Down a Dream, Mary Jane’s Last Dance, I Won’t Back Down, Free Fallin, Learning to Fly.

This week Tennessee Senator Bob Corker and President Trump criticized each other on Twitter. What makes Twitter an effective tool in politics?

On Wednesday the Boy Scouts announced they will allow girls to join. What could possibly go wrong?

Wisdom in The Axial Age

I’ve mentioned I am a wise-elder-in-training -- mostly to avoid the alternative, which is to graduate from being a ridiculous middle-aged man to become an old fool. If I become a wise elder – “I would not be just a nuthin' my head all full of stuffin' My heart all full of pain. With the thoughts I'd be thinkin' I could be another Lincoln. If I only had a brain.”

But what is wisdom, exactly? You know it when you see it but it’s hard to define. It’s more than intelligence or knowledge. It includes experience and perspective. There is optimism that life’s problems can be solved. A sense of calm in trying times. And yet taking feelings into account. And speaking clearly.

"To understand wisdom fully and correctly probably requires more wisdom than any of us have." -- Robert J. Sternberg

"But thinking about wisdom nudges us closer to the thing itself." -- Stephen S. Hall

So my idea is thinking and studying about wisdom -- intentionally -- might help me to get some wisdom.

One way to think about wisdom is to consider examples of people with a reputation for being wise. People like Ben Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, and Martin Luther King. Three people that come to mind from ancient times are Socrates, the Buddha, and Confucius. All 3 came from the Axial Age 800-200BC. 

The Axial Age is a period when great intellectual, philosophical, and religious systems emerged around the world. The phrase – The Axial Age -- originated with Karl Jaspers, a German psychiatrist and philosopher, who noticed that during this period there was a shift—or a turn, as if on an axis—away from local, tribal concerns and toward thinking about the cosmos and the way it works. It was a turn away from merely “feeding the gods” and toward speculation about the fate of humanity, about our relationship with the cosmos, about “The Good” and how people can be “good.”

Jaspers said the Axial Age occurred in 800 BCE to 200 BCE. Socrates, the Buddha, Confucius lived within this period but did not live at the same time or place. The extent to which they exchanged ideas is unknown. It appears their ideas emerged independently at their axis point and then the ideas radiated around the world. They survived the test of time and we still talk about them today.
 
Socrates (470-399BC) was a Greek philosopher who never put anything in writing. His dialogues were recorded by his student Plato and others. Socrates is famous for asking lots of questions – what we now call the Socratic Method. He was a gadfly who became so annoying that he was found guilty of corrupting the minds of the youth of Athens and for not believing in the gods of the state. Despite all his wisdom, he was sentenced to death by drinking poison hemlock. Some words of wisdom from Socrates:

"...I am wiser than he is to this small extent, that I do not think that I know what I do not know." 

In his dialog with Euthyphro, Socrates said, “Is the holy loved by the gods because it is holy, or holy because it is loved by the gods?” Euthyphro turned and said, “Wait, what?” You had to be on your toes with Socrates. He was not above intentionally confusing you into making a contradiction in your argument. But then he would thank you for the conversation and reassure you by saying, “An unexamined life is not worth living.”

The Buddha (566 – 487BC) was originally Siddhartha Gautama, the son of a king in Nepal near India. At the age of 29 he left his kingdom, wife, son, and wealth and walked out into the woods to live a simple life of fasting and contemplation. After 6 years of that he re-emerged from the woods enlightened -- recommending people follow a path of balance rather than extreme wealth or austerity. He called it the Middle Way. Some of his famous quotes were: 

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” – which sounds familiar if you’ve ever tried mediation. 

Another was: “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
 
Confucius (551-479BC) was a Chinese teacher, writer, editor, politician, and philosopher known for his words of wisdom and ethical models of family and public social life. Late in life he had trouble holding down a job. Even so, he wandered around China giving practical advice, like:

Confucius Say: “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”

Confucius Say: “I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.”

Confucius Say: “Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself" This one is sometimes called the Silver Rule, because it is like Golden Rule, but in negative form.

All these quotes are attributed to Socrates, the Buddha, or Confucius. But there’s a chance they never really said them. Take these for example:

Confucius Say: “Man make mistake on elevator wrong on many levels.”

Confucius Say: “Virginity like bubble: one prick, all gone.”

Confucius Say: “Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” 

I saw this last one at the Tomato Festival in East Nashville. It really sums up the essence of wisdom. At least the kind of wisdom I am going for. And does humor have a place in wisdom? I think so, if it’s not at someone’s expense. 

What do you think? Am I on my way towards becoming a wise elder? Please, give me some feedback to help me on my journey.

Investing Lessons

I have two sons aged 29 and 27. After raising them I often wondered if I taught them what they need to know. How to ride a bike. How to shoot a basketball. How to change a tire. And that doesn’t end now that they are grown up. Last year I decided to teach them my views on investing. First I got them started making monthly investments in a mutual fund. Then I sent them a series of emails explaining my investing philosophy -- one short email at a time, 13 in all. Towards the end they said “That’s great, Dad, but could you put it all together for us in one place?” This is the result, which I will share with you much like I told them.

Lesson 1 - Dollar Cost Averaging

By investing the same dollar amount each month, you will buy more shares when stock prices are low and fewer shares when stock prices are high. If the price moves up and down over time the average stock prices that you paid for the stocks in your portfolio will get lower. If set up automatically from your paycheck or bank account, it is effortless and you invest the money before you have a chance to spend it. My father helped me get started with this method and now I am doing the same with you.


Lesson 2 – Picking Stocks

It is really hard to consistently pick stocks that will beat the market. Professionals can’t even do it. That’s because the Efficient Market Hypothesis says all public information about the stock is already baked into the stock price. If you think a certain stock will do well in the future, other investors think that too and bid the price up. Then future price moves are mostly a random walk. I don’t buy individual stocks. I buy index mutual funds instead. More to come on those.

Lesson 3 – Timing the Market

It is really hard to time the market. Professionals can’t even do it. The adage “buy low, sell high” is easier said than done. You can look at a price history chart and look for trends. You can see what happened, but you can’t see what is about to happen. For every loudmouth who says he cashed out of the stock market before the plunge in 2008 and then jumped back in at the lower prices in 2009, there’s another fool who did the opposite. So it is better to buy over time using Dollar Cost Averaging and then hold the investment for a long time, even as the price rises and falls.

• Note: These 2 lessons are controversial – Picking Stocks & Timing the Market. There is an entire financial industry with brokers, advisors, and fund managers who make big bucks and will tell you they can pick stocks and buy or sell at the right time to beat the market. But studies show it is not true. Only 25% beat the index they measure against once you include the fees they charge. You might say, well I will pick an advisor that’s among the 25% that beats the market. Trouble is, you might know who did well in the past, but nobody knows who will win in the future.

Lesson 4 – Diversification

Diversification reduces risk. If the prices of the stocks in your portfolio rise and fall at different times (that is, out-of-phase like a sine and cosine wave), it tends to smooth out the total returns. An index fund diversifies across a broad family of stocks. But then you can diversify further with total market index funds that include smaller companies and international companies.

Lesson 5 – Asset Allocation

Asset allocation refers to the types of investments in your portfolio. Broadly there are Stocks, Bonds, Real Estate, and Cash. When you are young it is OK to put 100% of your Retirement savings into Stocks. Stocks have high Risk & Reward, but retirement is so far off. It’s good to buy a house or condo as your real estate play. And you need enough cash for emergencies (maybe 2 months’ pay). Mid-career 70% Stocks / 30% Bonds is a good mix. Now at my age I am shifting it to 50/50 to make sure the money is still there when I retire even if the stock market goes down.

Lesson 6 – Fees

Pay attention to fees (aka commissions, loads, expenses). They can have a big impact on total returns over time. A stock broker charges a commission for each trade. Discount brokers’ commissions are much less (under $10/trade). Mutual funds might have a sales load (up-front fee), so only buy no-load funds. Even no-load funds have expenses that are pulled from your returns. Typically expense ratios run above 0.75% for actively managed funds, but index fund expense ratios are typically under 0.2%.

Lesson 7 – Index Funds

Index funds track to all the stocks in a broad market index at very low fees. You won’t get rich quick, but over time it will outperform actively managed funds after their fees are subtracted. S&P 500 index funds track the biggest 500 US companies. Total stock market funds track the entire US stock market. International index funds cover foreign markets. And world funds have US and foreign stocks. Similarly, there are bond index funds and real estate investment trusts (REITs).

Lesson 8 – Taxes

Tax laws change over time, so this is an area where a tax advisor can really help. Income taxes are paid on stock dividends and bond interest, and on capital gains when sold at a higher price than when originally purchased. There are ways to avoid these taxes or defer them until later. One way is to buy & hold, because whenever you sell, capital gains taxes are due. Most employers offer 401k plans that allow you to invest with your earned income before income taxes are assessed. And the dividend and interest are reinvested and not taxed until the funds are withdrawn in retirement. If you change jobs, you can roll-over your 401k into an Individual Retirement Account (IRA) to continue the tax deferral. Another tax-efficient investment are government or municipal bonds. The interest on these bonds is not taxable. If you buy a house or condo, the mortgage interest and property taxes are deductible which reduces your taxable income. Think of it as part of your real estate allocation. So it makes sense to buy a house or condo as soon as you have saved enough for a 20% down payment (to get the best mortgage interest rates).  

Lesson 9 – Risk & Return

Historically, stocks make about 10% per year. Bonds return about 6% with less risk. Cash in a money market or savings account earns the lowest interest but there is virtually no risk. So as you can see there is a relationship between risk and return. The higher the risk the higher the return. This is because investors evaluate the risk and it gets built into the trading price of the investment. As risks increase, investors are willing to pay less for the investment so subsequent returns are more as a percentage of the original investment.

Lesson 10 – How Much to Save

If your company offers matching contributions to your 401k, then save to the maximum they will match. It is free money. Once you have 2 months’ salary saved in your bank account, then your 401k retirement investments plus your non-retirement automatic monthly investments should equal 20% of your salary -- rule of thumb.

Lesson 11 – Buy & Hold

Each trade has a transaction cost, a tax impact, and requires time and attention. So along with my advice to keep down costs and the difficulty of timing the market it all adds up to a buy & hold strategy. The best reasons to sell are to rebalance the asset allocation and when you need the money.

Lesson 12 – Simplicity

One of my main investing objectives is to keep it simple. The advice I’ve given here just isn’t that complicated. It might even be boring. Investing is important but I’d rather spend my time doing something else.

Lesson 13 – Education

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. My father put me through college and then got me started saving for your education. Our family has invested heavily in education. It’s an investment in ourselves. You need to continually educate yourself. It does not end at graduation. As soon as you have children, it will be time to start saving for their education.

Now I can confidently say that I’ve taught my sons what they need to know – at least about investing anyway. These lessons are part of my program as a wise-elder-in-training, learning how to pass my knowledge on to the next generation – or to anyone who cares to listen. 


References:
Random Walk Down Wall Street by Burton Malkiel
Index Revolution by Charles Ellis
Elements of Investing by Malkiel & Ellis

Hayden Hayden Update

In an earlier post I introduced you to Hayden Hayden:

http://bijonbo.blogspot.com/2016/06/meeting-hayden-hayden.html

Sadly, Hayden suffered a stroke which brought on an unexpected retirement. Hayden (being Hayden) is offering his latest training called Become a Conflict Guru on YouTube for free:

https://youtu.be/3cHWdvSu04M

I highly recommend it to anyone who has other people in their life, as I suspect you do!

Motivational Interviewing

You can’t tell people what to do. Even if you are the boss, you might get push back, you might get resigned compliance, you might even get resentment. But you won't get much enthusiasm. There’s a better way. We can get people to talk themselves into doing what they already know is the right thing to do. It’s a method called Motivational Interviewing. Not to be confused with Situational Interviewing like in a job interview when you are asked to “tell me about a situation where you made a mistake, how did you handle it?”

Motivational Interviewing is different. It is a style of talking to people about changing their behavior but without giving advice. It helps people explore their own motivation to change and guide them toward more desirable behavior. I came across the technique by volunteering as a facilitator for drug & alcohol addiction support groups. But it has application in a variety of settings including management, parenting, and coaching.

Let's get started with a Motivational Interviewing conversation. Start by building rapport and showing respect. Asking permission is a great way to show respect. “Is this a good time to talk?” “Would you mind if I ask you a few questions?” “Can I help you with that?”

Within Motivational Interviewing lies a tool for eliciting behavior change without giving advice. It is summed up with the acronym:

OARS: Open-Ended Questions, Affirmations, Reflections, and Summaries.

Open-Ended Questions cannot be answered with a short response like “yes”, “no”, or “twice.” They are used to help people open up and explore their own thinking. The best questions start with the word “What…?” These are the most open-ended questions that really get people thinking. They are Wisdom Access Questions. Examples of Open-Ended Questions: “What changes are you considering?” “What will your life look like after you lose weight?”

Affirmations help people acknowledge their positive behaviors to build confidence in their ability to change. Examples of Affirmations: “You are very brave to admit that.” “I like the way you handled that situation.”

Reflections, or using Active Listening and paraphrasing, is a way to confirm understanding. It helps people to hear what the words they use sound like. Then when they confirm it, it builds their commitment. People want to make the words they say come true. Examples of Reflections: “What I hear you saying is….” followed by “Did I get that right?”

Summaries pull together what was discussed to find general themes. It can form the basis for helping people develop action plans and next steps. Examples of Summaries: “During our conversation we discussed three ideas…” followed by “What next steps might you take to get started?”

Look at desired goals and current behaviors and then amplify the discrepancy between them. You ask what the desired behavior looks like. For instance, you might ask the client what their ideal weight might be, then ask about their current diet and exercise. Then ask if they can achieve their ideal weight without making a change. Then ask what changes they might make.

Identify the source of ambivalence to change, where ambivalence has a special meaning in this context. It is not the usual sense of people just not caring. Here ambivalence is a conflict between reasons to sustain their current behavior and reasons to make a change. This ambivalence leads to making no change at all – in other words, getting stuck.

A great way to help people overcome ambivalence is by asking scaling questions. Can I get a volunteer? Someone who wants to break a bad habit or start a good habit?

Q: May I ask you a few questions? (ask permission, show respect)
A: Yes

Q: What behavior do you want to change?
A: I want to quit smoking. (for example)

Q: On a scale of 1 to 10, how important is it to you to quit smoking?
A: 8

Q: Why did you rate it that high? *
A: Because I want to be healthy. (Change Talk)

Q: On a scale of 1 to 10, how confident are you that you can quit smoking?
A: 6

Q: Why did you rate it that high? *
A: Because I am trying a new medication. (Change Talk)

*Notice the follow-up questions where I ask “Why did you rate it that high?” to get Change Talk. Then encourage the Change Talk using OARS (Open questions, Affirmations, Reflections, Summaries). When people hear themselves saying things out loud they want to make the words come true.

Other questions: “Why did your rate it an 8 and not a 5?” “What will it take to move that to a 9 or 10?” But if you ask “Why did you rate it that low?” you will get unhelpful Sustain Talk. They will talk about reasons NOT to change. Don’t go there!

In summary, you can’t tell people what to do even if you have a position of power as the boss, parent, or coach. They might follow your orders but without full commitment and maybe even with resentment. Instead you can help them talk themselves into making changes using Motivational Interviewing. Help people explore their own motivation, resistance, and ambivalence and then guide them toward more desirable behavior. Treat them with respect, ask permission, ask open questions, give affirmations, reflect and summarize. With Motivational Interviewing, people will move forward thinking it was their idea all along!

References:
SMART Recovery Facilitator Training
How to Do Motivational Interviewing by Bill Matulich