Sexual Shame & Purity Culture - Panel Discussion Review

At the recent NaNoCon atheist conference, I attended a panel discussion on Recovering from Sexual Shame and Purity Culture led by Gayle Jordan, Alice Greczyn, and Seth Andrews. During Q&A after hearing only negative remarks about religion, I took to the microphone and started with “By your account religion’s approach to sexuality is only for power and control…” Seth Andrews interrupted “We didn’t say only power and control…” I went on, “Well that’s the only thing you mentioned. But religion’s interest in sexual morality is also based, historically, on the need to control disease and to promote intact families where the father sticks around to help raise the children.” The panel struggled to respond and I lost focus too. I wish I had then asked, “how do the recommendations you made today address those factors?” Their recommendations were to leave your controlling religion and purity culture behind so you can more freely enjoy your sexuality. They gave various personal examples like posing topless, open marriages, and mothers giving their daughters vibrators as birthday gifts. Their portrayal of religion was single-faceted - only for power and control - whereas the reality is multivariate to include many cultural aspects. Had they addressed points like I raised, their recommendations could have included more of the responsibilities that come with sexual freedom. Instead, with their new freedoms, it seems the panelists' pendulums swing too far into "Let's Get Naked!" rather than a more sustainable middle path. 

All three panelists were delightful: funny, attractive, and articulate. I know Gayle Jordan quite well as I volunteered for 5 years at Recovering from Religion where she is Executive Director. I’ve told her and it's true: she is among the best leaders I have ever “worked” for.  My comments at the Q&A harken back to a conversation I had during the height of the pandemic with Recovering from Religion founder Dr. Darrel Ray. Darrel is an open polyamorist so I asked him about polyamory during a pandemic when we are all masked and isolating at home.  As I recall the conversation did not go well -- I failed to make my point. My point is that religion evolves as part of a greater culture to meet certain needs. Societies are more successful that practice means to control disease, including STDs, and that encourage intact families where both parents invest in their children’s upbringing. Religion evolved to codify and enforce successful behaviors like these. Where religion goes wrong, of course, is when it carries these ideas too far. The reasoning behind the morals are lost, the morality becomes the goal in itself, and scrupulosity sets in. Also religion has a tendency to fall behind the times, especially when technology changes the game. Here I am thinking of things like birth control, abortion, porn, and disease prevention and treatment. 

As religion begins to fail many of us, we are left only with our good judgement on these matters. Our judgement is informed by reason, science, experience, and advice. Some include their religion in this mix. Others don’t. And that’s OK provided the resulting behaviors lead to human flourishing.